This past month as the new year begins to take shape, I have had the opportunity to reflect on my life as it changes. Slightly transforming me into a different version of myself. Below are a few of my reflections as I see it;
- Card Club has come to an end. After almost five years of monthly gatherings, it naturally began to dissolve. In part I am disappointed, but I remain truly grateful for the experience. Although meeting monthly is no longer convenient for everyone, I am thankful for the friendships that I never expected to have will still continue to exist. I only hope that women out there everywhere have a chance to laugh out loud as much as we did (and still not manage to have an accident!)
- The older generations are begining to pass on. Just this past week, my Uncle Wayne and my husband's Grandma "Meeo" both left for heaven. Over the past 9 months, our family has buried my Grandma Bemish, Uncle Bill, Uncle Wayne, Grandma Meeo and my dad. I cannot deny that there is a growing emptiness and great sadness for each loss. On the days when I truly give up, God (as promised) is there when I just can't continue. Knowing that all of those magnificent individuals are continuing on in heaven, is the only moment I find the sense of it all.
- My body is no longer young. I am not complaining just honestly observing how time has slowly made adjustments to my exterior. I have noticed that now after I stop smiling, my laugh lines remain. I feel a stiffness in my muscles when I wake up and get out of bed in the morning. No matter how much time I spend on the treadmill, I still have cellulite on the back of my thighs, making the thought of walking around in my swimsuit at the beach or even walking from the lounge chair to the pool, horrifying! With all of the recent changes and my bruised vanity, I truly am thankful for the healthy body God made for me. I feel accepting and confident even on the days when I notice that I have white eyebrow hairs popping up!
- I no longer feel like a hypocrite when going to church. I know that sounds strange, but when I was growing up, my family spent at least four days a week involved in every church activity they offered; choir, youth group, youth lock-ins, sunday service, sunday school. I left the church at 18 convinced that everyone around me was just acting, or pretending to be holy. I harshly judged everybody else and assumed all organized religions were completely misguided. After leaving the church, I became the biggest sinner I could have imagined in my wildest dreams. If there was a shameful line out there to be crossed, I crossed it! In my late 20s, I began feeling a tiny hint of remorse for my sins. Over time that feeling of remorse grew into a true need for forgiveness. The church provided a place for me to learn more about salvation and living my daily life as a Christian. I realized I needed to go to church because I am a sinner.
For my friends and family, thank you for reading my blog this past year. My New Year's wish for you is that you are blessed with Love, Health, and Happiness. I have realized that because you are all in my life, we can get thru just about anything and laugh along the way!
I LOVE You!
Emily
